So now that I’m in a writing mood.

I guess I should just write, I honestly hate who I have become lately, a depressed, quick to anger, impatient, unlovable person. I push everybody away and I stick to myself. I could give an excuse as to why this is all happening but the thing is there should be no excuse. I shouldnt let other things dictate who I am, especially when I allow them to last for so long. Sure everybody has a bad day or two but not like this. I feel uncomfortable being around people at all lately because all I want to do is yell at them even for the dumbest of things. If somebody doesnt understand what I’m trying to tell them I get mad and just feel like slapping them a few times because I know what I’m trying to say isnt that hard to understand and even when reworded several different ways it all means the same exact thing. I want to change, more like I need to change, I need to be able to have fun again, to joke around and not over think everything over and over again, I cant let myself second guess every little thing I do because usually I end up making the wrong choice. I probably need help with all of this I need to get my life back on track and move on to my future. I keep dwelling on the past, I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, what does it take to change the bad things about yourself and bring back the good ones, I mean every day I just feel like I am going to explode because of everything and I have no clue what needs to be done to make my life back to normal.  Maybe I just need to stop pushing myself so hard and to let things take place as they do instead of trying to force events. I feel so unbelievably burdened by the things going on even if they have nothing to do with me. I dont know, wont somebody please help bring the old me back and banish this new unwanted and horrible me to the darkest corners of my soul.